Watch: Danica Patrick bombs ESPYs monologue while getting political
Few things in the world are more self-aggrandizing than award shows.
Most, if not all, award shows are little more than an entire industry patting itself on the back for several hours.
That being said, a proper and fun host can make the “festivities” a little less unsufferable. A well-timed jab here and a witty quip there from a good host can make a huge difference.
Unfortunately, former NASCAR driver Danica Patrick was not that host for the 2018 ESPY Awards.
Patrick’s attempts at humor went over like a wet paper bag.
It began with Patrick alluding to the fact that she was the first woman to ever host the ESPY’s, a fact ESPN was all too happy to flaunt leading up to the event. Patrick tried to pivot to how she was really the first racecar driver to host the event. The joke elicited some chuckles but little else.
The cringeworthiness would only get worse from there.
Patrick took a tired swipe at Cleveland sports fans, noting the power and hope sports can provide “unless those people are from Cleveland.”
The former IndyCar driver then went on to crack a somewhat tasteless joke about reigning AL MVP Jose Altuve’s height. It drew an awkward smile from the 5-foot-6 Altuve in the crowd.
Patrick then decided to get political and it went about as well as any sane person would expect.
“We have to mention the elephant in the room. It’s time to talk about the national anthem controversy,” Patrick said. An image of singer Fergie came up in the background, recalling one of the more awkward and terrible renditions of the national anthem in recent memory.
Few laughed and most athletes didn’t even react. Some athletes clearly take the issues surrounding the national anthem protests very seriously and didn’t seem all that appreciative of Patrick’s joke.
Eagles linebacker and social activist Chris Long could clearly be seen mouthing, “That was bad,” after Patrick’s joke about the national anthem protests.
Patrick also drew some nervous laughter when she piled on Trump.
“I haven’t seen a Russian this pleased with Washington since two days ago,” Patrick said while a picture of smiling Washginton Capitals star Alex Ovechkin holding the Stanley Cup came up in the background.
Social media was swift to condemn Patrick’s sad attempts at humor.
Just like her racing career, Danica Patrick’s jokes are crashing and burning. #ESPYS
— Fake SportsCenter (@FakeSportsCentr) July 19, 2018
These Danica Patrick jokes not hitting… at all #ESPYs pic.twitter.com/6my3RKaJD7
— don bran (@BfFlora) July 19, 2018
In an ironic twist, the one joke Patrick had that stuck its landing came at her own expense (and Tiger Woods).
“Tiger Woods is back, sort of, I guess,” she said. “Why do people keep talking about this guy when he isn’t winning? Who does he think he is… me?”
The rest of her night fluctuated from mildly inoffensive to horribly awkward.
If this is what to expect from the first racecar driver host of the ESPY’s, perhaps ESPN should reconsider next time.
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