People on NFL Reddit Are Trashing the Denver Broncos Right Now, and It's Hilarious
On the delightful James Bond parody episode of “The Simpsons” titled “You Only Move Twice,” industrial magnate and global super-villain Hank Scorpio decides to give Homer a parting gift for his loyal service after he moves back to Springfield, something that will get Homer closer to his dream of someday owning the Dallas Cowboys.
And Homer, disappointed, says, “The Denver Broncos?” as the team ineptly plays football on the front lawn of 742 Evergreen Terrace.
So making fun of the Broncos has a storied history, one that NFL Reddit took and ran with this week.
Users took a page from Drew Magary’s “Why Your Team Sucks” annual running feature on Deadspin, where the goal is to just tear apart every team in the league, and that’s how hilarity ensued on r/nfl.
User TheCrookedKnight went after Tim Tebow, noting the Broncos’ difficulties in drafting homegrown talent.
“The most successful QB Denver has drafted in the past decade currently plays outfield for the Binghamton Rumble Ponies,” the user said.
User FootballMan15 noted that hell hath no fury like a defensive back scorned.
“A few years ago, I was ‘dating’ this really hot/cute girl that I was real good friends with until we decided to take it further. But it didn’t go as you would think. We went on dates and all that, but that’s about it. We would hold hands and stuff but she never wanted to kiss or anything like that. I tried to make her and I official but she would find some (poor) excuse to say she wasn’t ready. We would talk and text on the phone almost all day everyday. I spent a ton of money on things for her and took her out places but it never advanced. This went on for about a year and a half. A year and a half. And it never went anywhere. So one day I decided I was fed up and broke it for good. A few months later she found another guy and immediately became his girl and went on to have a long relationship. So all that time I spent on her was all for nothing and only to see her go on and finally get what I wanted all that time.
“So now I can honestly say I know what it feels like to be Champ Bailey.”
Broncos coach Vance Joseph was a particularly favored target.
TheLuigiJets — a brilliant username in its own right, as anyone forced to watch them play in their Color Rush uniforms on Thursday night can see — said, “Vance Joseph literally looks like he is trying to figure out if his headset is working for like the first 3 quarters of the game.”
ADanishMan2 went Luigi one better and said: “Vance Joseph. That’s it. That’s the whole joke.”
TheElderSproles reached up to the rim of the sky and cursed the Broncos to oblivion.
“The Eagles beat the Broncos so bad last season they ran out of fireworks.”
And Giants fan liverbird3 had the last word, thread over, time to go home:
“We beat you this year.”
For a proud franchise that once beat the Patriots so badly that Shannon Sharpe unleashed the greatest bit of trash talk in pro football history …
… the Broncos were on the receiving end thanks to Reddit doing Drew Magary’s job.
Now all they need to do is go on Chopped.
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