Mother Shares Courageous Story of Grief & Fear that Family Will Forget Baby Who Passed Away
Meaganne Childre and her husband Casey were excited to be welcoming a new little one into the world. Charlotte Cate was her name, and the brave little girl weighing in at just over a pound was greatly loved during her short stay.
At just 25 weeks along, Meaganne was dealing with preeclampsia and had been doing everything in her power to hold off delivering her sweet daughter until she absolutely had to. Despite the bed rest and the steroid shots, Charlotte had to be delivered.
At just 1 pound 4 ounces and under 12 inches long, Charlotte had the odds stacked against her. All the love in the world couldn’t keep her grounded, and, as her mother wrote to Love What Matters, “Five days after her journey began, she gained her angel wings.”
After 45 minutes of chest compressions and attempts to revive the tiny infant, her parents made the heartbreaking choice to let her go.
“We finally got to hold our sweet baby, bathe her, dress her, and tell her goodbye,” Meaganne wrote.
On June 26, Meaganne posted a heartbreaking update on Facebook. Her message reached hundreds of people, and there was an outpouring of support and shared grief.
“Sunday afternoon our sweet Charlotte unexpectedly left this Earth and joined God in Heaven,” she wrote. “While our hearts are absolutely shattered we know she’s no longer having to fight for her life.”
“She went into cardiac arrest during a simple procedure as soon as Casey and I showed up at the hospital, so we got to be there by her bedside and hold her after. She had been having a great day, but her little heart just couldn’t take anymore.”
“Thank you so much for all the prayers over the last couple of weeks. She lived a beautiful 5 days and we are so thankful for the time we got to spend with her.”
But, as is often the case, Meaganne’s grief was not tidy. It refused to be contained or appear at opportune times. She said that there were some days she felt better, and some days where she was overcome with her loss.
Well-meaning people around her would unknowingly trigger her grief and anxiety, asking questions about where her child was. With each new prompting, Meaganne had to face her loss again.
One of the most difficult was when she had to explain herself at an appointment for a follow-up on her c-section.
“I got there and the girl sitting at the front desk asked me with the biggest smile on her face, ‘Where’s the baby? No baby?’. I just shook my head no to which she replied something along the lines of, ‘Why didn’t you bring your baby?!’ (Again, with a big smile) and I just had to fake a small smile and tell her she actually passed away.”
“‘Oh my gosh… I am so sorry’ is what she said and then continued helping the lady who was at the counter on the other side. That lady had probably just heard me, as well as the lady sitting right next to the window in the waiting room.”
“If there is something I don’t like, it’s attention on myself and I instantly felt like both women were just staring at me trying to maintain myself and not break out in tears in the waiting room.”
Through the crippling anxiety attacks and the burden of grief, Meaganne also wants people to remember her daughter. She doesn’t want the precious life she witnessed to be swept out of people’s minds, even if it is difficult to address in the meantime.
“Being fearful of triggers is exhausting,” she wrote. “Grief is exhausting. Faking a smile on days like today is exhausting.”
“But it’s a battle I am learning to fight….One day at a time.”
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