Kim Jong Un's Father Is the Chuck Norris of North Korea, If You Believe His State-Run Media
North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un’s father Kim Jong Il was born 77 years ago Friday.
On his birthday, the man recognized for his signature grey tracksuit, sunglasses and crazy hair can be remembered for presiding over one of the world’s most brutal regimes. His reign was defined by a tragic famine that killed millions of North Korean people and crimes against humanity.
He passed away in 2011 after a heart attack on a field inspection.
Kim Jong Un visited the Kumsusan Palace of the Sun, a national mausoleum, Friday to pay his respects to his deceased father on his birthday, which is known as the Day of the Shining Star in North Korea.
When Kim Jong Il died, the North Korean people mourned the loss of their “dear leader,” a man perceived as a god in the backward country. On the birthday of this horrible individual, The Daily Caller News Foundation would like to take a moment to introduce the weirdest myths North Korea tried to pass off as facts about this callous despot.
1. Kim Jong Il had a miraculous birth on top of a volcano
Kim is said to have been born atop a sacred mountain known in North Korea as Mt. Paektu. As the man who would impose unbelievable pain and suffering on his people for nearly two decades entered the world, a new star appeared in the night sky and winter suddenly turned to spring, according to North Korean legend.
As Soviet records suggest that Kim was actually born in a small village in Siberia, it’s no wonder the Kim regime decided to create a more interesting “miraculous” birth story. Even before he was born, he was supposedly creating miracles, as his birth was foretold by a swallow and a double rainbow.
2. Kim was a walking, talking genius right from the start
North Korea claims that Kim could walk when he was only three weeks old, and he apparently learned to talk five weeks after that. Like all of the other assertions, there is, of course, no evidence to back that up.
3. Kim could drive when he was three years old and sail when he was nine
Before he was sending political dissidents to tortuous prison camps, Kim was a prodigy who learned to drive when he was only three years of age. Kim was reportedly also an outstanding sailor who was winning yacht races when he was only nine years old, his official biography reveals. This “history” is reportedly taught in North Korean schools.
4. He composed the finest operas in the history of music
Kim is said to have written six full operas in just two years. His operas are said to be “better than any in the history of music.” When Kim was in college at Kim Il Sung University, he wrote 1,500 books, his biography claims.
5. Kim was a rock star in the world of sports
Kim, like his son after him, loved sports, but it’s unclear if he was actually any good at them. If North Korea is to be believed, though, Kim was the best.
The dictator reportedly shot a 38 under par with 11 holes in one in his first ever round of golf. Pleased with his performance, he decided to retire from golf forever. Kim also bowled a perfect 300 in his first match at Pyongyang Lanes, state media suggests.
6. Kim invented the hamburger
The classic American dish was actually invented by none other than Kim Jong Il, according to North Korean media. Calling his remarkable culinary creation “gogigyeopbbang,” the product looks a lot like an American hamburger. In a later effort to reduce food shortages, Kim tried to breed giant rabbits.
7. Kim controlled the weather and never went to the bathroom
The former North Korean leader could control the weather with his mind, according to state media. He seems to have passed this ability off to his son, who North Korean state media claims also possesses this incredible gift. Equally fascinating is that Kim’s body was reportedly so advanced that he did not need to urinate or defecate, as normal human beings do on occasion.
North Korea is known for extravagant hyperbole, such as the rogue regime’s claims that it has found a cure for AIDS, Ebola and half a dozen other illnesses, or that there were once unicorns in the North.
These wild assertions, meant to shape cults of personality around North Korea’s leaders and keep the people in the dark, have long made this country the butt of countless jokes, but at the end of the day, it should never be forgotten that North Korea is a sad, dark, and cruel place that has oppressed its people for decades while threatening the safety and security of other peoples with ballistic missiles and nuclear weapons.
A version of this article appeared on The Daily Caller News Foundation website.
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