Only in 2023: OnlyFans Star, Hollywood Daughter Says Breast Implants Will 'Save My Life' From Vaping
One of my least favorite colloquialisms — perhaps coming in second after the idiotically tautological “it is what it is” — is the millennial phrase “we live in the worst possible timeline.”
Every time some story comes up that demonstrates humanity is being unusually witless these days — say, hypothetically, scientists using government grant money to teach cats to use Instagram, or a survey that shows 34 percent of Wisconsinites believe Franklin Delano Roosevelt was the starting quarterback for the Green Bay Packers under Vince Lombardi — one of your sarcastic friends who thinks they’re considerably smarter than they really are will post a link to the offending information along with the caption, “we live in the worst possible timeline.”
I’ve still never used the phrase in earnest, I must admit. However, I was sorely tempted to after I found out that Charlie Sheen’s daughter, a star on adult-oriented subscription-only content service OnlyFans, told her votaries on social media that she believes breast augmentation will “save my life” because it will force her to quit vaping — and asked her TikTok followers for suggestions on getting off the vape.
According to Fox News, Sami Sheen, 19, is the daughter of Sheen and Denise Richards, the second of three women that the “Wall Street” and “Two and a Half Men” star was married to and subsequently divorced from. (As an aside, I was somewhat surprised the number was that low.)
In an F-bomb-laden TikTok video posted Tuesday, Sami said that she had been addicted to vaping nicotine for five years and that, in order to get a “boob job,” she had to be free of the drug for a month.
“Basically, I have been vaping for five years now. I’ve been addicted to nicotine for five f***ing years,” she said.
“I’ve tried quitting multiple times. It’s really f***ing hard. And I ordered this book called ‘How to Quit Vaping’ by Alan Carr. Have I started reading it? No, because I don’t want to quit.”
But now, she says, she has a reason to. Not the best reason, but a reason nonetheless.
“The time has come — or I have absolutely no choice and I have to quit soon: I’m getting a boob job in two months and I have to be nicotine-free for a month before,” she said.
“I have not gone a single day in the past five years without this m**********r. I think me getting my boobs done is honestly going to save my life because it’s forcing me to quit this,” she said. “So, at least we have that.”
She went on to say that videos, fidget devices, candies and other methods of quitting hadn’t worked — but seemed confident breast augmentation would do the trick, apparently. Still, she was nervous.
“I’m so scared, and I don’t know how I’m going to live without this thing. It’s really sad. My whole life revolves around it,” she said.
WARNING: The following video contains graphic language that some viewers will find offensive.
@samisheen please dont be mean #help #quitting #vaping #fyp ♬ original sound – ✩ sami ✩
Now, at a basic level, let me just say that my sympathies go out to anyone who struggles with any form of addiction, particularly if they come from a family with a history of it. (I don’t believe that we need to rehash Charlie Sheen’s numerous dependencies, chemical and otherwise.)
That being said, she believes she’s being saved from one form of unhealthy living … because of another form of unhealthy living. And she’s seeking advice on quitting vaping through another form of unhealthy living.
I’m unfamiliar with Sheen’s content on OnlyFans, which can be pornographic or simply suggestive. That being said, Fox News said she self-identified as a “sex worker” on her social media accounts in June, but noted in the TikTok video that “I am not a p-star.”
“I don’t meet up with people. I don’t film myself having sex. I don’t do that, but I also have no judgment toward the people who do, do that,” she said, adding she was “not comfortable” doing that.
That being said, one reasonably assumes she’s getting a breast augmentation not for reconstructive purposes but because it advances her career as a sex worker — which, in and of itself, is unhealthy.
In a systematic review of studies published in April by Acta Psychiatrica Scandinavica and Wiley, three researchers from the University of Cordoba in Spain found that, “Mental health problems were prevalent among sex workers. Depression was the most common mental health problem; however, other psychological problems were also high, including anxiety, substance abuse, and suicidal ideation. Sex workers are exposed to numerous work-related risks, including violence and high-risk sexual behaviors.”
In other words, using a surgery associated with sex work to eliminate an unhealthy habit of nicotine vaping is hardly going to save one’s life, particularly if one is going into it with the idea that plastic surgery to fit an airbrushed, pornographic ideal of femininity is health. Rather, it throws one from the frying pan into the fire.
And where is she asking for advice on quitting vaping so she can advance her career as a sex worker? TikTok, a digital dopamine machine and attention-generator linked to mental health problems of its own.
Now, do I have any reason to doubt Sami Sheen’s problem is real? No, of course not. But the problem isn’t vaping — which is what she’s been led to believe it is.
Yes, vaping is a problem and linked to poor health outcomes. However, in 2023, we try to pretend that there are no mental health externalities to sex work — and if there are, it’s just because of a prudish culture. Meanwhile, liberal tech giants continue to insist there’s nothing wrong with endlessly scrolling on social media. Just keep feeding them your personal data. Really, everything is fine.
Now, I’m not going to avouch that “we’re living in the worst timeline;” I’d have to believe the bubonic plague or Stalin’s USSR has this beat. However, when a sex worker and child of Hollywood stars takes to TikTok for the dual purposes of attention-getting and trying to quit what she says is her real unhealthy habit — nicotine vaping — one can indeed catch a glimpse of why the phrase is so oft bandied about.
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